I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
