i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
