it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
