I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
