Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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