10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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