You made me cry and you don't even care
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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