the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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