Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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