I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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