If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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