you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
