Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize