He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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