get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
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I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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