he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
