i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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