youre lurking in front of me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
