dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
