I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
