Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I understand Curling. That high.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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