just tell him i said nine months
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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