I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
