I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
