I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
