Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
