dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
