I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
