No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
