3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
