the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
