True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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