i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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