I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
