Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
is that a dick in a sweater?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
