My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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