Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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