Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
