Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
