Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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