Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
