Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
