You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I looked at my own cervix.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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