There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
