my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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