I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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