K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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