My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
