I hope mine doesn't look like that
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
