I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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