I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
