do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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