Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
