There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
