The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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