If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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