I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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