Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
