the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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