the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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