We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
