dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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