God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
