oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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