So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
