So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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