i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
