my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
