We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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