My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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