I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
