All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
