Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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