We're facebook friends in real life
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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