My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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