I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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