Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
