is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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