You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
