i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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