i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
