Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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