Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize