you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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