My nipple is on Facebook.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
