I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
