I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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