A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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