Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
