I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
only if we run a train.
done.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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