Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I will be naked everywhere
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
